The content in this post comes from a talk we gave with Bronwen Rees for ADP List BeMore 2022.
Does being yourself make you feel out of place or weird?
We’re surrounded by systems that enforce a way of being and behaving.
We’re taught to learn the rules and stay inside the lines.
We’re told what is weird and what is not.
And then there’s you, your identity, and all your experiences, and combined this makes you.
Fear not; here are stories, tips, and resources to help diverse individuals do their best work. Discover how your uniqueness can become your superpower.
Learn the rules
Norms make us fit. We are obsessed with normal, we are obsessed with rules, they help us determine who fits in and who doesn’t. Those that don’t fit or can’t follow the rules, we dislike. Norms and unwritten rules tell us what we “ought” to be doing, and as a result determine what’s inside the line and what’s not.
Moving from one English speaking country to another should be simple, right? Unfortunately that’s not quite the case. Words are important and loaded with meaning but cross continents, words that look and spelt the same can end up meaning very different things. One word comes to mind: ‘router’ – in the UK a router is something you use to connect to the internet, like a modem, in Australia, is slang for sex. I found out this the hard way by getting it wrong.
What did I learn by getting it wrong? I need to be aware and listen; I need to challenge my belief system: from the words I use to the way I do things, I must constantly challenge what I believe to be true. We must be ready to consider the opposite, learn a new perspective or learn from a new culture. Sometimes to grow as a person means fitting in, being open to widening our horizons, or adding new beliefs to our core systems.
Bronwen Rees
Become a note-taker. You will pay more attention and stay focused. Actively engaging with the topic by listening and summarizing what you hear helps you understand and remember the information later. Very few people take notes in work meetings, and words are gone with the wind. Use Notion, Evernote, Google Keep, or pen and paper.
Ask questions. Remember that you will know little about the problem space when you arrive at a new place. Please don’t say that you have a stupid question. All questions are necessary at this time. It is probably that many people will love to explain to you how things work. Find those subject matter experts who will spend time with you, and give them thanks.
Share with others. Do you remember all that information you had to go through on your first week at work? Gathering scattered materials from all over. Asking people around. What if you could compile all that for the next ‘new’ person? There is an opportunity for you to improve the onboarding process in your new place.
Read Steal like an artist, by Austin Kleon. Or Normal Sucks, by Jonathon Mooney.
Break the rules
Sometimes, it’s ok to break the rules. Some rules are rigid or black and white, but most are open to interpretation. Once you have learned the rules, you can determine those that limit you more than enable you. Breaking rules is often the only way to explore new ideas and bring about change, so break them with purpose.
I’m a confident, driven woman, I am well spoken and will share my opinion when I believe I have something of value to add. This breaks many stereotypes about women, especially here in Australia. But this time it’s not about playing inside the lines, it’s about striding well outside of them. I am unwilling to back down and bend. I know my worth and my value and it is important for me to remain true to myself. And benefits me to do so, I am complimented often for my articulate nature and confidence and while it’s not to everyone’s taste, it matters to those that value me as a person.
It can be uncomfortable to remain true to yourself, especially when the conventions ask you to deviate from that. But it is important that we get comfortable with being uncomfortable, if you can embrace the awkwardness of striding outside the lines, being in a place of not knowing but sure that you are upholding your own values, this is your superpower.
Bronwen Rees
Before breaking the rules, evaluate if the outcome is worth it. We should always think about the consequences of our actions before we do something that could get us in trouble. It’s important to weigh the potential benefits of breaking the rules against the potential risks, and make sure that we’re willing to accept the consequences.
Break rules, not values. It is sometimes necessary to break the rules in order to achieve what you believe in, but that you should never break your own values. Your values are the things that are most important to you, and they should always guide your actions. If you break your values, you will lose your sense of self and become someone you are not.
Break rules for the collective good, not personal benefit. If you believe that breaking the rules is the only way to protect the collective good, then you should be prepared to do so. Just be sure to do so carefully and with consideration for the consequences.
Run workshops. like SCAMPER. Encourage participants to be creative and to take risks. Thinking creatively not only brings new ideas to the table. It also allows participants to work together more effectively and to build stronger relationships.
Invite everyone to design. Everyone has the ability to design. It is a skill that can be learned and developed with practice. Design is not just about creating beautiful things. It is also about solving problems and creating solutions that meet the needs of users. When you invite everyone to design, you are opening up a world of possibilities. You are empowering people to create and to solve problems. You are also creating a more innovative and creative environment.
Read Radical Candor, by Kim Scott. Another good one is Crucial Conversations.
Come curious
Meaning is not contained in one place. Things make sense in relation to each other and one another. When perspectives collide.
I came to the USA nine years ago. At that time I was a sponge. I had every single article about UX in Evernote. One day I realized I was an information hoarder. That there was no point in accumulating all this information and doing nothing with it. I was expecting to become some sort of walking Wikipedia with all the world’s knowledge in my brain. I never felt I was prepared.
On a Positive Psychology course, I learned that I should spend my energy in my strengths and make them even stronger. I knew I had a love of learning. But then I discovered there was kindness in me that I wasn’t displaying with the community. Happiness is better when is shared. And one day I discovered that all my work could also be useful for others, too. You never know what tiny thing you can share to someone, and how for that person it can be life-changing.
Leandro Incetta
Keep track of your learnings. In a world with so much information overload it’s useful to have a system to help us remember what we have learned. We can then take time to reflect on them, we can start identifying patterns and staying motivated by seeing our progress. When we track our learnings, we can share them with others. This can help others to learn from us and to build on our knowledge.
Identify your character strengths and virtues. When you know what you are good at and what you value, you can set goals that are aligned with your strengths and virtues. When you face challenges, you can draw on your strengths and virtues to help you cope. This can make it easier to deal with difficult situations and to bounce back from setbacks.
Ask for feedback. Remember, asking for feedback is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows that you are willing to learn and grow.
Read The serendipity mindset, by Christian Busch. And please, take the Adobe Creative Types test. It’s so much fun.
Embrace weird
Your unusualness is a fabric woven from the thread of your life. Your identity, environment, and experiences combine to make you who you are. But your weirdness is also a hint at what you might live to see and do, at what hidden powers you possess. Being ‘weird’ is your potential.
I’ve either felt like or have been an outsider most of my life. For the longest time I was weird because I loved learning. I grew up as a child of an alcoholic father and so learning was a safe space for me. I liked to hide myself in schoolwork, as a result, it meant I was bullied for being ‘a nerd’ and classed as ‘weird’.
Bronwen Rees
Unconsciously I never chose to deviate from weird, I kind of embraced it, accepted that this was who I was. But my experiences have made me who I am today, and while they were not always happy experiences, they have got me here and enabled me to thrive.
Find your character strengths and lean into them. You should give it a try to the VIA Report test. The VIA Character Strengths Survey is a free, scientifically-validated assessment that measures 24 character strengths. The survey takes about 10-15 minutes to complete and provides a personalized report that includes your top five strengths, as well as information about how your strengths can be used to improve your life.
Embrace your weirdness, use it to your advantage. Our weirdness makes us unique. It is what sets us apart from the crowd and makes us interesting. It also can be a source of creativity and innovation. When we think outside the box, we are more likely to come up with new and original ideas. In the end it can make us more resilient. When we are comfortable with who we are, we are better able to deal with challenges and setbacks.
There are books on this topic like Weird, by Olga Khazan. Savoring, by Fred Boyd Bryant. And Quiet, by Susan Cain.
We are many
Lacking connection with other people carries deep health consequences. One researcher found that lacking social connections is as harmful as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day. Loneliness is deadlier than obesity, and it increases the risk of dementia.
How we live now seems destined to cause more and more people to feel like lonely outliers. Workplaces are becoming more segregated by race. Residential income segregation is also on the rise. Just as we are becoming more alienated from one another, splintering into tribes and escaping to our screens and echo chambers, our livelihoods increasingly depend on being smooth and capable collaborators.
Find a mentor. A mentor will support you, cheer you on, provide feedback, advice, and help you define and reach your goals. It can be a crucial relationship in your life and one that has the potential to impact your choices and career trajectory significantly. ADP List is a fantastic platform for that.
Join groups of like-minded people. It could be a local meetup. If you want to stay home, try chatting on a community on Slack. Communities provide a unique safe space for personal growth. They concentrate knowledge, motivation, and inspiration – and thereby spark positive change.
Find an ERG in your workplace. Employee Resource Groups (ERG) are voluntary, employee-led groups aiming to foster a diverse, inclusive workplace aligned with the organizations they serve.
Read Community, by Peter Block. This is a book that talks about how important it is to belong to a group to learn and also to influence.
Read Bowling Alone, by Robert Putnam. Although it is an analysis focused on North American society, this book explains how little by little we became more segregated and individualistic.
Recap
Learn the rules. It is important to learn the rules before you break them. This will help you to understand why the rules exist and how they work. It will also help you to avoid breaking the rules in a way that is harmful or disruptive.
Break the rules. Sometimes, it is necessary to break the rules in order to achieve what you believe in. However, it is important to break the rules for the right reasons and to do so in a way that is responsible and ethical.
Come curious. It is important to be curious and to ask questions. This will help you to learn and to grow. It will also help you to see the world in new and different ways.
Embrace weird. It is important to embrace weirdness and to celebrate diversity. This will help you to be more open-minded and to appreciate the beauty of the world around you.
We are many. It is important to remember that we are all connected and that we are all part of something bigger than ourselves. This will help us to be more compassionate and to work together to create a better world.